For the most part of my teen years, I’ve always complaint why my conversations with people were dull, meaningless, and shallow.
I had people with whom I could laugh, joke, and gossip all day. But deep inside me, I knew there was something missing.
As I got older, I came to realize that what was missing in these conversations wasn’t the fun. It was the depth.
Yes, they were fun to be around.
Yes, they made me laugh.
Yes, I had made great memories with them.
But I don’t remember waving goodbye to them once feeling like I gained much from our last conversation.
I knew their favorite soccer team, singer, series, and food. I knew every information about them that their ID card could provide.
But what I could never know, was them.
I could never know what made them believe the things they believed in. I could never know what were their goals and dreams. I could never know the way they saw the world. I could never know what their values were and what was important to them.
And I’d complaint why our conversations were never rich and fulfilling.
As I matured, I became comfortable with deep talk. Every time I meet someone new, I look at them as an opportunity to learn new things. Just like a new country to discover, a new soul to explore.
I came to realize that everyone has gold hidden inside them. Your mission is to ask the right questions to find that gold.
You are more than your favorite series. You are more than your appearance. You are more than your name or accomplishments. These things don’t define you.
You are a beautiful complex creature of ambitions, fears, dreams, hopes, quirks, memories, pain, laughter, emotions, insecurities, values, and thoughts.
Why do you disgrace yourself and instead of talking about what makes you who you are, you constantly talk about studies, pop culture, other people, and all the other normal stuff?!
You’re more than that.
Everyone you meet is more than that.
Why don’t you take the time to get to know them for real? Why don’t you dig for the gold when it’s right in front of you?
Do it. Ditch the normal talk and ask the right questions that will result in the most amazing interactions you’ll ever have.
If you need some examples of deep questions, here are some I personally use:
- What are your ambitions?
- Tell me more about your childhood
- What’s your definition of success?
- What’s the one thing that gives you joy the most?
- When was the last time you cried? Why?
- Are you happy? Why?
- What’s your weirdest habit?
- What was the happiest/saddest moment of your life?
- What’s the one thing that scares you the most?
- How do you see yourself in 10 years from now?
These questions can’t be answered with a yes or no. Nor can they be answered with a fact. The only way to answer them is through emotion. By opening up and laying down all the masks we learned to wear, our true selves shine, our mouths stop talking and start translating what the heart says, and at that moment, two human beings connect.
If you noticed, these questions are uncomfortable to ask. Especially if you compare them to a “what’s up?” or a “how’re your studies?”. But like every uncomfortable thing in life, all the growth and fulfillment lay just beyond it.
I’ve asked the questions above to a lot of people and still do. And I can’t describe the amazing conversations I had that resulted from taking the time to find the treasure in everyone.
For I learned that human connection happens on the other side of the normal talk…